I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize