sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
