Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
