Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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