New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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