I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
