I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
