i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This house was built for laser tag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
