it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
