A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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