At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
