I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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