Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
