youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We got so high we made milksteak
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
