Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
