I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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