I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I faked an abortion last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
