apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
