I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
