we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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