I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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