Don't you send me to vm
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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