It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
