false alarm. still invincible.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize