He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize