8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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