hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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