we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They have beer where we have blood.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
