It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
