you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
