I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
