I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
why is half of my head shaved?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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