Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
