just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
