Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
