so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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