i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What a dumb baby whore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
