she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
