A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
