i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize