Your mouth is God's brothel.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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