You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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