I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
