Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
