We should be called the Road Head Warriors
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
