I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
