he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
