no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
