the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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