Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In America we eat man semen.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize