fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
