If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
not ubering you a puppy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
