ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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