Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
