I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
