The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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