now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
