booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
