I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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