in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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