my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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