What did we do last night that was yellow?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
