your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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