Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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